the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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