you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
