I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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