i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize