Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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