Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
