I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
