Please, let me fuck your mom
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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