And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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