ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
