Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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