i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize