i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
