I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
