Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize