Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
