Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
