tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
