Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
