the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
