just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
