This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
