a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
