as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
