I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
