Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
