just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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