There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize