i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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