Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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