Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
