Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize