just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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