Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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