that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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