There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
