I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
