I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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