There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
