Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
how does that bad decision feel?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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