Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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