I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
