Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
