I'm gonna have a badass scar
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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