i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She bit a glass in half.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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