His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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