I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
