Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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