So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
