the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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