I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
