Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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