So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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