dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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