Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
