My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize