I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Randomize
