she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
