He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
