found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize