best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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