How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
